‘He needs a dose of the real world:’ Lazy son flunks out of college, sister confronts enabling mother over letting him play video games at home all day

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jan 13, 2025 5:00 PM EST

Welcome, women of the internet! Do you remember when you got your first reality check? That is, the moment you realized that you are no longer a child and that you are fully responsible for your adult decisions. Some unfortunately come to this realization at far too early of an age and others far too late in their lives. It's crazy to think that many make it to adulthood without experiencing such a pivotal moment. Such adults never had to face consequences for their actions and likely take much of their lives for granted.

In our story today, a young man flunks out of college and goes to live with his mother. Despite the fact that she dipped into her own savings to aid him financially, he has shown no intention on taking responsibility for his failure, and spends much of his days playing video games inside. Finally, his sister snaps and gives their coddling mother some advice (and so do internet commenters)! Get all the deets down below!

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  • 01

    My son flunked out of college, what do I do?

    "My son flunked out of college, lives at home, plays games all day, and is pretending everything is fine. What do I do?"
    via RyanKing999

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    Hi all, just so my account stuff doesn't get confused, I'm writing this in the place of my mom, OP in this situation is my mom.
    via u/Technical_Sign_847
  • 03
    Hi everyone, I (F 60), have three children, F 27, F 24, and M 21. The youngest just completely flunked out of college. He had been on academic probation and when I checked in with him through the semester he would say that everything was fine, he was doing his work, and he felt good about his finals. As I'm
    via u/Technical_Sign_847
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10453836544
    via iJeab

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    getting ready to bring him back to school, he comes and tells me that he has been "academically distanced" from his school. We are not a well off family and my other two children went to state schools and worked for years before and during school to pay their way through college but my son had not done much of that. Alongside that, he did not have very high grades in high school and went
    via u/Technical_Sign_847
  • 06
    to a private university where the tuition was less than a state school for him due to lack of any academic scholarship on the end of the state school. The school he ended up going to was my alma mater so he did have a scholarship due to that.
    via u/Technical_Sign_847
  • 07
    Through college, he had no interest in becoming an RA to lessen his tuition and emptied his already sparse bank account trying to pay through college while only taking out government loans. I decided to help him out with about $9000 each year so that he wouldn't be drowning in debt. Now he is over $35,000 in debt, I have used up a significant portion
    via u/Technical_Sign_847
  • 08
    of my already small savings, and there is nothing to show for it. He's trying to deflect and act as though everything is fine and shuts himself in his room playing games most of the day. I'm at my wits end. My oldest daughter thinks I should make him move out and find an apartment "to get a dose of the real world" but my middle daughter also lives at home.
    via u/Technical_Sign_847
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10453836288
    via corelens

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    Granted, she has a well paying job, two college degrees, buys things for the house and is getting her masters but that's not something my son would understand. I also don't feel right kicking one of my children out of the house. What do I do?
    via u/Technical_Sign_847
  • 11
    Sorry for the long post. TLDR: My son flunked out of college, lives at home, plays games all day, and is pretending everything is fine. What do I do?
    via u/Technical_Sign_847
  • 12
    EDIT: I have been reading through the comments and have responded to a few and we need some clarifications. My son does have a job, it's a retail job that he usually works during school breaks but they always need people and will make him full time. I also do not give him spending money. We are
    via u/Technical_Sign_847
  • 13
    looking at trade schools now. I also have no interest in making my middle daughter pay rent regardless of whether I have my son pay rent or not. The money is not the issue, it's learning or facing some sort of consequence. A full time job is normal, not a consequence. And to be clear, working in retail is
    via u/Technical_Sign_847
  • 14
    fine if that is his path, many people make it work, it's him not taking ownership that's the main problem. I appreciate the suggestions of therapy, this wasn't something I had considered but will look into now. I was a little surprised by the number of harsh comments on this sub but do appreciate the genuine help and suggestions
    via u/Technical_Sign_847
  • 15
    MissingBothCufflinks It sounds like you bail him out every time he fails. Oldest daughter is right
    via u/MissingBothCufflinks

  • He made a big mistake, and getting kicked out of college is definitely a type of consequence, but he's not really feeling the effects by lazing around at home all day and playing games. Mom needs to step up for the good of her son and teach him how to function in this world. She doesn't have to kick him to the curb and force him to pay his debt, but she needs to teach him lessons about responsibility before it's too late.

  • 16
    TheWhereHouse1016 IDK why parents always do this. Grind the oldest down to ensure they stay in line and do well, then the last one they coddle and it can do no wrong. My sibling and I may as well have been raised by 2 different people with how his expectations were dramatically lower
    via u/TheWhereHouse1016
  • 17
    hotdog_squad $35,000 ain't that bad. His problem now. Are you on the loan/can you be removed? He was given a gift and chose to squander it. I'd give him a 2 month notice to get a job and start paying rent or move out. After that, he's on his own! He's plenty old enough to figure it out.
    via u/hotdog_squad
  • 18
    Medical_Let_2001 Yeah, at 21 he's definitely old enough to start taking responsibility. It sounds like tough love might be necessary, he needs to realize the consequences of his actions and start figuring things out. You've already done a lot for him, and it's time for him to take some initiative.
    via u/Medical_Let_2001
  • 19
    Kukka63 First thing you do is stop enabling him to just game all day, he needs to apply for jobs and do household chores. Unfortunately this will take guts and tenacity, I hope you have both since the worst thing you can do is pamper and cater for him.
    via u/Kukka63
  • 20
    Egbert_64 I personally would take the gaming controls away. While under your roof he is a child and you can take away toys. Gaming is taking away his incentive to do anything but that. It is an addiction. You have to treat it as such. When he moves out he can do whatever he wants.
    via u/Egbert_64
  • 21
    rak1882 I think you sit down with your son and essentially go- okay, so that happens. If you are going to be home now- we need to go over house rules for adults living at home. Your rent is $X, it's due on date. You are responsible for the listed chores. If they aren't completed each week by DAY, there will be an additional fee for the following month's rent.
    via u/rak1882
  • 22
    You know your son best- if you think it'd be beneficial to have a written out lease with clear expectations, I might go that way. essentially a roommate agreement that lays out expectations like keeping common spaces clean, noise levels, stuff like that. some parents can find this incredibly beneficial with one child but not another.
    via u/rak1882
  • 23
    but in can be incredibly important to make it clear that you expect him to be a member of the household and that he isn't a kid anymore. (once he starts paying rent you could split it between the add'l costs of him living at home, refilling your savings, and savings for his future.)
    via u/rak1882
  • 24
    This! This! Dodge-n First thing is to take a step back, take a deep breath and acknowledge that this is not the end of the world for him or you. It's a life lesson and how it's handled can really shape the rest of his life.
    via u/Dodge-n
  • 25
    This happens, and while he should have been more upfront with you, he might just need a lil bit of love from mom. He's likely depressed, disappointed in himself and EMBARRASSED. Nobody likes to fail.
    via u/Dodge-n
  • 26
    Then, sit down with him and make some plans. What do you want to do now? How are you going to pay loans back? How are you going to survive? Start small with a rent or sweat equity. Make him earn his room and board. With the amount of companies that offer OJT to get their employees going, he's gonna be fine IF he puts in the effort.
    via u/Dodge-n
  • 27
    Now, if the above doesn't work, and I would encourage during the discussion making sure it's clear what happens if there is no follow through on his part. But if it doesn't work, THEN it's time for him to walk the plank.
    via u/Dodge-n
  • 28
    I have ADHD and struggled all the way through high school. Then because at the time it was just what we did, I took college classes and wasted 3 years on that. I ended up dropping out when I met a girl and school just seemed to get in the way. If I could do it all over again, I'd have skipped college till I knew what I wanted to do, woulda been a lot cheaper.
    via u/Dodge-n
  • 29
    I think at the end of the day, we all want our children to succeed. This could be one of those turning points in his life to get on a track that is good, or one where he decides that it's not worth trying and he gives up on himself.
    via u/Dodge-n
  • 30
    hogger303 Listen to your oldest daughter, CUT THE UMBIMICAL CORD! If not, I will look forward to your next post about how you are now $100k in debt & that he is STILL in his room playing games. Time to parent up!
    via u/hogger303

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